Beginning of everything

2012

2012-01-06T22:09:00.000-08:00

2012 is a special year for every homo sapiens and its also a special one for me as this is the year finally i can say i am graduating from UTP after ages (5 miserable years). Since 2007, I've been looking forward to 2012 as a year where i can cure my salvation. 2012 arrived in an unexpected style where I am facing FINAL EXAMS on the very first week of 2012 !@!#@#@$#ˆ!&ˆ*#*(@!. Nothing could describe better than that but fortunately this would be the last time having exams during december and january for me. Still FYDP II looming large like cumulonimbus on my next semester and I am wondering why my university is being so radical and retarded by arranging group members for us. As you know, those dudes loathe doing work and also indulge in their lackadaisical behavior which i don't understand how and why PETRONAS sponsored them for their education. Speaking of intelligent wise, they are smart but their attitude derails them from the distinctive students. Don't worry about me, I am still enduring and surviving from this catastrophe and I hope my final 2 semesters can go as smooth as a silk. I still remember back in 2007, before I was in Endorphins rush , heads in the clouds and minds off to fantasies thinking that a Shell Scholar is as bright as anyone else, I thought Chemical Engineering is the mirror of me ever since Mr. Lim (cekap chemistry teacher) waved his wands like a magician showing us the wonders of Chemistry. BUT unfortunately, when I stepped into UTP, i realized that I am not suitable to do this kind of job, the subjects are pretty interesting but the job itself is boring, well definitely the Chemical Engineer title is the bomb but the job itself is also a big bomb. Already in my final year, I realized I lost my soul in studying, I could not seek for my passion to score and I study for the sake of studying and not scoring anymore, is it the sign of Final Year Syndrome like one of my friends stated on his facebook? Or perhaps just another excuse for a lazy boy for me to get rid of books? Back home, 2012 is also a year where my brother and cousins get to enjoy their Undergraduate life, my parents decided that their decision to send me to UTP was wrong and since they do not wanna make the second bookable offense, they decided to splurge on my brother and well, fortunately my brother made my dream come to fruition which is to study in the States but bare in mind, the person is my brother and not me. I am not jealous nor envy but the gamut of emotion makes me disappointed of my parents for not being able to do the fair share to me as well. I was depressed, I am depress, I will depress and I really hope to finish my studies A.S.A.P so that I do not have to keep depressing day by day. It sucks when you have to sit down in the hostel room under the hot humid air typing this depressing blog and complain and complain and complain but I had Hobson's choice but to spill my feelings here in the blog because seems like only blogspot understands how I felt. No one really could not even my parents nor my friends. I'm in the midst of Final Exam and hoping to finish it a.s.a.p and in my mind, I really do wanna score the Vice Chancellor Bronze award and also First class honors, I'll work hard for it but in the mean time, let you guys read this piece of concise writing and have a deep thought about it before i pen down and go and have my peaceful nap before facing my next paper which is Plant Utility System.....

Reminiscents

2011-12-18T23:28:00.000-08:00

The vast blue sky used to be dirty yellow, the cloud used to be as soft as cotton, food used to be nice and people used to be as close as family ties. Those were the days when I grasp a little glimpse of childhood time. As time goes by, the people I hang out with, the places I used to go, and food that I used to eat seems to be different. I am in dire hunger of all these memories. Holidays used to be meaningful for me when my brother and I were used to anxiously waiting in the second floor of my shop for my cousin to come over and play for the entire holiday. Kar Wai, Wei Siang, Hui Yin,my brother and I used to play all sorts of games such as Play Station, Pokemon Deck cards, Lazy, Legos, Bayblades, Tamiya and even had our very own "Olympics". It was rather short span as it lengthens over my 5 precious years of high school, that's what made me today as I grew from a very sweet and meaningful childhood where I learned what is fun and what is happiness. From Jaring to Unifi, my cousins slowly had their own lives and we don't meet up as often as we do anymore and currently just today, my cousin brother Kar Wai shifted to even a more further place that I could imagine. It is alright for me as humans have to grow up but I missed my childhood dearly and my childhood is what I am today.Next up is my university days where I screwed up my undergraduate life and did not enjoy a single moment of it no matter how good Zac and my roomie made my day. Its just not a place for me to live and I don't understand why GOD has given me such a place for 5 miserable years. I'm glad it has almost come to an abrupt end next year September but still from the time I finish typing this blog till next year September it is still a long long way to go. I really hoped time could move faster as I want to leave that place a.s.a.p, another point of my life which is amazing was my internship where I had maximum fun during that 8 months and it was my best moment of my undergraduate life. I really hoped it never end but everything has an end to it. Well New year and Christmas is just around the corner but I am here sitting down doing my FYDP and studying for my test and final exams, it sucks to be doing that when everyone is having holidays. Not sure why I am so unlucky to endure all these craps in my life. Lately I've lost the motivation to battle on my studies, is it the Final year syndrome where people gets lazier and lazier towards the graduation. My brother just finished his SPM and bound to go for college and I feel that things starts to be different whereby my brother would spend lesser time with me doing all sorts brother stuffs like watching live football together or studying together in the room or watch korean dramas together, well that is the process or life or part and parcel of life where people have to grow. Didn't I grow? Am I still stuck at my past? How far did I went through? My friends like Nik and Dylan also busy spending time with their direct selling and our weekly meet up getting lesser maybe because both of them do not have time or maybe its just me? Jesh and Kien Poon just disappeared to London and I feel that everyweek when I'm back to KL, I feel lonely where I am not sure what to do or who to hang out with.....

Life is boring again ....

2011-10-13T07:03:00.000-07:00

Well as the title goes, life is always a torture but i never gave up in life because Sunny Lim (my english tutor) taught me a good phrase, there is always a silver lining in cloud. BUT, i still could not find the silver lining, my university life has been suckier and suckier whereby the STUPID EAC AND LAN AND BEM ( Engineering Accreditation Council, Lembaga Akreditasi Negara and Board of Engineers Malaysia) keep on messing with my undergraduate life. By adding a stupid semester to my study already made my life miserable, my good friend Zac Tay once told me to accept the truth and stop complaining, alright, I accept it, BUT this time they are planning to add subjects to my curricular WTF, I'm already busy with 4 thesis and final year projects and they wanna add subjects to my studies???? ARE THEY NUTS? What is the point of adding subjects to our studies whereby it does not make any difference in WORLD UNIVERSITY RANKINGS RIGHT? we will still forget about the subjects once we graduate so why bother adding? THEY HAVE nothing better to do is it? This EAC, LAN and BEM should find some part time to do since they always make students life miserable. As though by adding semesters and subjects to our degree would make UTP a better university than MIT, Stanford, UCB, UCLA, Cambridge, Oxford. We can't even beat UM or USM by adding semester and subject and i don't understand why they bother to do all the nonsense, they can instead emulate or enhance the university by getting us better lecturers, better system and management or maybe better transportation or at least upgrade the food facilities in my university instead of adding subject and semester. Haiz, the only thing i cherish the most about my university is they gave me a good time table, which i think is blessing in disguise, hopefully i can safely and peacefully graduate in one piece before i end up tearing apart of myself. SPEAKING of life is a torture, I just had my biggest argument in my life with the person i saluted and respected the most, my DAD, he disappointed me by scolding me and insulted my dignity. I used to quarrel with him but perhaps those days i had some fault as well, but right now, I did not always think highly of myself because I know I am not perfect after all but whatever my dad said about me really made me rethink about myself. Come on, all this while, I never disobey him nor being a notorious child. I always worked hard in my studies, my sport, my characteristics, my social life. I feel that i've done perfectly well in handling in my life where i did not disappoint my dad. In fact the most important part is that I never needed him to spend a single cent on my education as well, so why would I need to be insulted by him? I feel that I deserve some respect from him as a son because I've done perfectly well in every aspect of life. Least not I did not indulge myself in drugs or cigarette, well drinking is my hobby but I would say thats my social life style but I did not go beyond what people called LIMIT. I know my limits. So readers, do you think I deserve some respect from my DAD? He scolded insulted my dignity by asking my to stop school and said i'm a loser, just because i ranted about my university, come on, i'm a human of course i rant whenever i feel stressed up. I ranted about my university and i got scolding, whereby my cousins stopped schooling and rot at home, some even play truancy and stuck at home sucking parents money. Who is the better children? Me or my cousins? I just rant about my university, isn't that fair enough? Shouldn't he be grateful that his child is doing well in everything than his other cousins and his son only rant a bit just to be distressed. DID he really put his thinking cap in his mind? I doubt so. I really have nothing to say anymore. I am disappointed that he insulted my dignity......

Something to think about.

2011-05-31T23:04:00.000-07:00

Well, going through all the hardships in 2010 surely made me a man. Seeing your beloved having crush on the other guy and ignore you surely breaks your heart into pieces but standing strong allows one man becomes more formidable. Life is a weird thing, it does not give you the maximum that you desire nor it does give you the minimum that you need. But one thing is for sure dudes and duddettes, people tend to look up on those who graduate from overseas. For instance, Lai Wee Kiat's mum (Pn. Chia) invited me and Ser Keong to his farewell party, guess what, the entire party, his mum never even bother about my presence and when i leave she also do not care at all, she never even talked to me but she only talked to Ser Keong about his universities stuff. She never asked me anything about myself, well believe it or not, this happened the same thing on Pui Yin's dad where by he would ponder upon Jesh and ask all sorts of questions about his LSE education in UK and when he sees me in the shop, he would say nothing besides hi and would ask me no more !! I knew Pui Yin's dad and Wee Kiat's mum more than a decade compared to Ser Keong and Jesh but they do not seem to talk to me and is it because I am a local graduate? There is even ones when my own buddy does not wanna go club with me giving the reason that Jesh and KP not around, wth? is that a reason? Me, Nik and dylan is not her friend? Those who graduate in overseas gets the superiority? then what about us? I had to admit that I am not lucky enough to be studying in overseas to get attention of the others, but these are all my thoughts, no rantings :P haha one more thing, malaysia should abolish the Duku Langsat rule where duku langsat gets special rights on the scholarship with their duku langsat results, its unfair to those who worked so hard and end up in the university which is not accredited, i have a friend Jia Ching, whom scored 11A1's in SPm and 3 As in A-level but did not get any offer and now staying at home doing nothing because the government is only helping the duku langsats and not those who scored well and cannot afford on educations, what a world zzzz. Plus I wonder why girls can have mood swings all the time, can they stop having mood swings and pleaseeeeee stop playing around.

Internship

2011-05-08T19:33:00.000-07:00

Well almost 6 months of internship I realized I am used to the working environment and guess what, I am very happy during the internship as to compare with my study life. Many people including my old time buddy Hui yee, Jun Rong, Wei Jenn feels that I am weird because i prefer working over studying LOL, of course, who would understand a person who only gets to see buffalos, elephants, monkeys and wild boars caging in his university every day and night? Who would understand a person who do not have choice of foods and entertainment besides forcing himself to stuck in the room with books and sleep? They enjoy their study life compared to working life because they have everything in their university life including INTERNET LINE where my SOLID INTERNET LINE in my university is worst than a women's period, so how can you evaluate my uni life? Perhaps some of you all should take up graduate studies in my university, then, you all would enjoy your working life more =) haha trust me, I am in the urge of asking hui yee's bf to join my university to have a clear view of my study life =) lets hope he joins me in the forest =P I just don't understand what is so torturing about working life compared to study life? Right after working, you don't need to worry about how many assignments, tutorials, lab reports, projects you need to do or complete, and you do not need to be worried all the time about quizzes, tests, and final exams, plus the most important thing, you would not even feel guilty having fun in clubs, bars, cinemas, sleeping, yum chaing, watching drama series when you work but when you study, even if you go toilet or nap, you would feel the guilt, so why study? what is so fun about studying? I realized that I am a more cheerful person during the working period compared to intern period where I also get to go for exercises and football and I am a fitter person compared to when I am studying because I do not have the guilt of doing anything while working =). When I am studying, I tend to be more depressed, emo, and temper flaring person as to compare with when I am studying. Well studying or working, which is better? It is up to you all to decide =) For me, my university life sucks badly and I would not leave any sweet memories in my university life, but I will miss my intern life badly. As for my old time buddy Hui Yee, welcome to the working world yay =) hi 5 to you ya =)4 more months to my miserable university life with 3 semesters back to back without HOLIDAYS? omfg, haizzzzz, stuck in the forest for 1 year without holiday is sure miserable, wonder how depress I am gonna be this coming 1 year in the forest university.... haizzzz.... I am looking forward to graduate a.s.a.p but 1 year without holiday in the forest would be surely hell long year =(.... tara...

2011

2011-01-18T22:28:00.000-08:00

2011, whats my new resolution? or I should say plan :). This coming July I am planning to travel to the States but depending on my approval of my visa which I think it should not be a problem and then August to Aussie again (most likely) with September would be my buddy trip to Seoul with Chih hann, Kien Poon and Jesh (confirmed) yay !!!. This travel trip is important to me as my marvelous university had spoilt my plans with extending my semesters or I should say adding extra one semester out of a sudden. *I personally thinks that by adding one more semester would not make us a better university than UM* . Yesterday, a group of Petronas Officers came over to my office and check out on our testing work. One is a caucasian (ang mo) and two more are Malays. One Malay his name is Salleh , a graduate from University of Minnesota, twin cities United States of America and the other one is Remy from my beloved university , Universiti Teknologi Petronas. Well readers, I am sure you wanna know why I highlighted the two universities here. Before this, my mum heard from an aunty that local universities and oversea universities owns the same standard and should not send me to overseas university because its the waste of money and I was like =.= with wtf all over my mind. Well , oversea universities have their own price and I am sure definitely better than the ones in local. No offence but I am also a local university student. Ok cut the crap, that two petronas officers, both are also the same race but one is educated in the States and one is in malaysia. At first, i would always believe that studying locally and overseas makes no difference but yesterday was the day that enlighten me. Salleh ( Minnesota University) seems to understand more in depth of the drilling productions than Remy (UTP) and mind you, Salleh is one year junior than Remy so this makes Remy another level lower. Salleh was the one who taught me all the equipments and the knowledge he gave was totally impeccable while Remy was there could not give any of his knowledge but to just acknowledge what Salleh had spoken to me. Does this simply means that overseas graduate imbibes more knowledge than the local ones? Yes i would say, it was proven and even Salleh speaks better english than Remy. Both are Petronas Scholars and i presume both are smart students but Salleh simply ousted Remy with all his knowledge gained from the States. The moment i met with this two guys, I felt even more emotional and regrets filled all over my mind. A difference is really a difference this is a quote i would like to share with you all.....

Afterlife

2011-01-16T23:51:00.000-08:00

I am in my final year of my university and the gamut of regret is still pinned in my shattered heart. I should be the one enjoying my once in a life time undergraduate life in the States and thanks to a guy's brilliant word that taylors college is no good for me, I ended up in the backwater of Perak with oblivious thoughts of homo sapiens surrounding me. Quoted by my senior a.k.a my beloved sister, that she haven't seen anyone as depressed as me studying in a university. Well I must have agree that the decision of applying the Shell Scholarship was solely my decision but upon knowing that Shell would send me to the outskirts of Perak, I decided to hold back my decision but my initial thoughts of helping my parents to save money backfired on me and I now ended here in this University which I regard as rubbish. Just few weeks ago, my former tutor visited me in my shop and asked me what would I do upon graduation, I answered swiftly without hesitation as though I was offered with a job, I told her that "Yes teacher, I would want to start working and I would not continue studying Masters nor PhD". A pin dropped silence could be heard and my tutor shouted at me " Why do you want to stop studying or upgrading yourself?, you should continue studying until you cannot study anymore". Who do not want to study Masters or PhD, it is just that I am worried that I would be disappointed with my parents and I would end up studying Masters or PhD in stupid local universities. So I decided once I graduated I would not let myself drip another tears suffering in stupid universities, I decided to work. My parents were shocked upon my decision, they were filled with regret and told me they would sponsor for my Masters and PhD overseas but it was too late, my youthful and precious undergraduate life is just ruined just like that, I was just too late. Once in a while, I would blame my own parents but after 5 years, I am used to it, and I decided even it was my parents fault, I could not put my fingers on their face as I was fated to waste my undergraduate life just like that. I am jealous seeing all of my friends including yaan enjoying their undergraduate life with their university friends, full of activities and fun. Even my very own buddy Rachel Liew somehow indirectly despise me for studying in local universities. We have 6 good buddies but she tend to only stick with those 3, Jesh,KP and Carol just because they are studying in overseas. Am I not good enough? This is unfair, my life is unfair. I worked hard ever since I was born and what I got was this piece of shit university, no one know how painful am I in my heart. But one thing for sure, Vivian told me that she is a burden to her family, I am proud that I am not a burden to my family, in fact I've earned enough money for them too. I am grateful with my life although not satisfied....what to do,this is life...

I hope she miss me..

2010-11-18T17:59:00.000-08:00

Going through this final examination period is a bitter pill to swallow for everyone as it is the utmost tensed and stressed moment whereby anything you do in your life would be always linked to examination. Me myself, unsure whether having 2.5 weeks of study week is a saint's gift or a Hades trap. Thriving hard as industrious as an ant from the beginning till the midst of study week gives me a nausea tic feeling as I could not be even bothered to look into the micro details of the notes where i've been repeating and repeating. Seeing your own beloved supporting others and not you makes you even more sad. I just need someone to motivate me and she is the only one that can do so, I seldom see her compared to her friends and does she miss me? I missed her very much where i only get to see her only when she is around and this time i will be going internship and she will be going to europe..... I hope she realized that the time to see me is very limited and treasure the time between us and not her friends where she will be seeing them when school starts....I just wanna see her and hug her...thats all..

Stupid University

2010-11-07T20:10:00.000-08:00

Attending an English tuition for 3 hours every week is already a biggest mistake in my life. depressed for being in the tuition, nauseated feeling of being humiliated by the tutor week by week gets into my veins. Frustration and depression attributed by the stern tutor is inevitable. Could not be his pet is also one of the reason why I suffered in almost 90% of the classes. Week in and week out seeing me sighing a huge relieve right after the tuition and not looking forward for the next friday seems to be a norm or rather a boring routine in my life for the past 5 years. I was not born with flawless skills of writing and attending the tuition is my main objective to emulate my skills in English. I was depressed, way down the gate of Hades but still life has to get on, earth has to spin on its axis, sun has to rise and set. The only thing that motivates me is the right after SPM college life. College life roaming into my colorless life, but I do not seem to enjoy as I was forced to take in Shell Scholarship and the story goes on and on again. Everyone might give an awe expression to me where Shell Scholarship is the best scholarship among the rest but the story haven't ended, the Shell Scholarship only sponsors me to Universiti Teknologi Petronas where it might even changes its name to Universiti Tronoh Perak. UTP is a backwater place where lives are being downgraded till the lowest level and mindsets, I am sure you would not want to know. People in UTP including myself, are the another dimension people and this gives me a pain in the neck whereby they seems to come from another dynasty. Many things I have to do it myself or suggest. They would seem to be very dumb or at least being blur(there are exceptions to few). The things you mention, you have to mention again and again and again, where they will be giving a, "Is it?, Not this ? or that?"such a blur expression and lackadaisical attitude gives me a wamble. I am tired or doing everything by myself like arranging good timetables and also arranging a nice test week for everyone, they are just lazy and loathe to do things by themselves. Plus now, the university has included a trisemester system where by I would have to delay my studies for another semester for no apparent reason. Well, accreditation by washington accord, my foot, UK universities do not have 4 year engineering degree but they are still recognized by the world, why must we have a full 8 semesters when universities like Imperial has only 6 semesters. Why the world is being unfair to me. I will graduate by 2013 and its sickening. I want to graduate as soon as possible and leave that dilapidated place in a flash but nothing seems to be in my will .... I will just have to wait and be patient till my last breath of my life.... I hated my parents a lot for this........ I will forget about my graduation and might not attend it as well. What is life? Is this a life?

Gave up!!!

2010-05-05T20:25:00.000-07:00

Finally, after trials and tribulations of doing the Reaction Engineering assignment with Wenzhen, I realized that actually i am not up to the standard where I should be studying in MIT. The Reaction Engineering assignment woke me up from my beauty dream and I am now aware of my flaws where I do not belong to MIT, perhaps my grandparents out there sent a chill and shiver to me to ensure I am not dreaming of going to the university that I do not deserve to. I used to blame my parents for not being able to send me to overseas and study and now I am 100% sure that myself does not fit the rat- race society which papa and mama you can be assured that I would not grumble or show the gamut of emotion or wrath each time i go home. Rant and rave will not appear in my countenance anymore as I will now rest my dream of going to MIT in peace while i continue working hard in my university (UTP) to get the undisputed degree. Now another crux of the question pops into my mind lately when my cousin gave a bucket of a cold reality to me as if I have forgotten the fact that upon graduation from the HELL, I am yet to determine my future as Chemical Engineers are bound to work in gate of Hades which are the HELL of the HELL and the Chemical Engineers are usually located at the backwater of places like Kerteh, Bintulu, Miri and Port Dickson. Man, how am I suppose to overcome such matter, for some of my friends especially those whom are excited to go back to UTP would not suffer from this clause as they fits just nice into this place but not me. I am a city boy and forever one, I could not bare having a foot into such an hazardous area but it would be an irony as I am about to graduate as a Chemical Engineer . So what should I do as a Chemical Engineer if i do not work in those areas? Should I keep my heads low and work for my dad and lead a simple life or perhaps finding a simpler job that do not need a concise piece of degree? Perhaps I should leave this question tangling in my thoughts while i continue with my study week.........

Crush and Cream

2010-04-15T09:20:00.000-07:00

Scantilizing year breezed pass 2009 and many ups and downs caressed the calender of mine. I could not forget the gamut of emotion showered by certain people due to some small matter and the countenance of betrayal by the alias stuttered my trust on them. Not forgetting some of the sweet memories with her in the yellow sunken beach in gold coast sepang and some of the last moments with her in the airport before leaving to the kangarooland. New year (2010) gave me a new motivation but everything does not seems to go right for me when subjects are getting tougher and assignments are piling up my desk. 2010 a perfect 10? Sounds right and rhymes but I could not get a perfect moment so far, maybe because she is not around here and I do not have friends in my course except for my roomie, chuang hwee, ming hui and fai that gave me a solace rendezvous and also some happy moments to share like watching people training their fire breathing pet in the zone of NYX. Going back every weekend is certainly a torture but at the same time, thinking about the positive side I have 3 days of rest and fun with families and friends. How I wish, I am studying in KL. Also my cousins phrase was right " Sometimes parents do not understand what their children wants". Yes I do acknowledge that at a certain point, I do not obliged to my parents thoughts but there are trials and tribulations for me to fulfill things especially I am not studying in my ideal university that I wanted. But knowing friends like chuang hwee, ming hui and my roommate certainly made UTP a worth a while university for me to carry on .... ;)

reminiscences

2009-07-22T22:34:00.001-07:00

Well, sitting here in the room enduring the heat and the boredom of the forest, typing into this piece of companion right in front of me, I was thinking about studying in overseas next time in the near future. I've been asking myself why I was not chosen to study for overseas when some of my friends results are far worst than me? Plus the scholarship I've got was only a mere UTP in the mid of the forest. There I've been stucked for 2 years entering the 3rd right now. I've been thinking why the world is so unfair to me. If I'm not sent to overseas to study at least give me a place in the wonderful city of KL. Why everyone is enjoying their life and not me? Why is it always I'm the unlucky ones? In everything wise, I was the one who toiled to hard to it and look at the results of my hardship, its just a crap and sometimes makes me wonder whether should I be so hardworking on everything I do......... this is just a scribble of my thoughts right in this moment.

dear love

2009-06-02T18:51:00.000-07:00

Listening to the song Dear Mom, reminds me of the love she poured to me almost everytime she sees me. Grabing her hands gives me warmth and movitvation. Joy and despair when I see her, tears will only flow for her, smile will only get widened for her. I'm not handsome nor intelligent nor rich, but I can try my best to make her happy. Giving her everything is what I can give and I believe this time around is my first and my last love. If I cannot maintain her with me, then I guess I'm a worthless person. Failed few times already hurt my heart and I cannot afford to lose her anymore not this time again. I dislike the feeling of being disowned. Seeing her weary smile and blurr eyes made my heart melt and made me feel as though I'm in 7th heaven. I penned down this post is to promise everyone who reads this blog that I will give my best shot to be with her forever. I know "forever" this word is sensitive but I can assure you whoever reading this that I will make sure the "forever" word will instill inside my very own dictionary.......... sarangheyo <3

Friendship

2009-05-20T08:33:00.000-07:00

It was rather a hot night with the humidity running low, starring at the empty calender wondering whether when is it going to be filled up with activities. It is the first time that my time goes wild without anything to hold it down. It should be packed with activities and its simply undeniable that in the past i was seriously busy with test and assignments. Now my freedom is absolute and i am waiting for activities to come. Last time, it was always about CC, Bar, Clubbing and sports with them. Now i guess i have to go alone without their accompany.....

Rawn-Dee-Voo

2008-12-16T06:35:00.000-08:00

Frustration over frustrations in the past made me immune and the problem of being singled out is already seeping out of my mind. Rejection and dumping seems to be terminating my soul where no one seems to give me a silver lining. Such sickening illness made me numb and finally i've made up my mind which is TO BE SINGLE RIGHT NOW. Perhaps what Jesh quoted was right, whats so wrong about being single? you can whore the whole day with girls and no one cares plus most of the girls also avoid or have negative thoughts on you. Why not just deteriorate it? its the same. Sometimes when you have the milk of human kindness and you tend to pour it out, it just seems to go down to the drain and people do not appreciate it. They tend to think that you have motive and try to avoid you. Just a simple example, when you give them a treat they would somehow give you some harsh treatment and would not understand your kindness to them. It is just so .... up

Ignorance

2008-11-16T07:09:00.000-08:00

Flipping through the endless pages of Organic Chemistry in the middle of the starry and silent night, thinking of the coming final paper in my final examination, happiness filled in my soul. The urge of going back home builts and desire to enjoy seems to be flirting with my empty mind. Condolenses and condolenses came after me to cool me down about the previous encounter and i managed to heaved a mouthful of air and hummed my favourite song to keep myself accompanied. I was calm, cool and collected until I heard JJ's song in the radio (one thousand years later) that said that who would remember him after a thousand years later. Its nothing but the truth, when even a friend that did not meet you for half a year could almost forget your look and what about a thousand years. Staying in this almost dilapidated hostel overwhelmed with loneliness, purging my lifeless soul searching for a new life, I am trying to search for someone that could listen to my craps and feelings but failed. However, blogspot prevailed and showed me a way to penned down my feelings or thoughts. There was once where one of my friend ask me why I did not share my feelings with my fellow friends. Yes I did try but things turn out to be a disaster, they were thinking that I was just joking or it was rather a puny problem. For me it is a very important manner but for my friends it was just benign. A girl that I did not dare to bother much is the girl I really feel for it most. I was totally down when the moment she rejected me and decline hanging out with me as a friend. She did not mean to hurt me and I knew it, but I still can feel her phobia towards me. Its like she is avoiding me to hang out with me nor chatting with me. Sometimes she can just reply me on the next day or do not even reply when it comes to just minor stuffs. I had the feeling of "love" towards her in the past but bare in mind, it was only the past. Is it an offence for a guy to like that girl? Tell me, must she be afraid to hang out with the guy when she is alone and must she call her friends to come immediately when she is alone with the guy? Is the guy a monster or what? Is he that scary? Sometimes thinking back, I believe that guy did not take advantage of the particular girl before so why must she be so afraid? Even when taking photo with her, he did not even touch her. This is what i called respect, but the girl still afraid of the guy. Poor the guy. Right after a lengthy chat with the girl, he finally realised that he should not let the girl to apologize to him, in fact he should apologize for attributing such a mess and conflict. The problems between them solved, but can the gap be reduced? I'm not sure. I could not tell. What about being friends back again? Can it be done? Readers, you give me your answers. A girl that you loved so dearly and suddenly avoided you, you decided not to contact her anymore as a friend to avoid further conflicts and suddenly she apologized to you. I'm confused. The moment she apologized with those soothing words, the guy was touched by her words but is he in the dreams? He was speechless and confused of what to do.

frustrated

2008-10-22T22:38:00.000-07:00

Sitting in this humid room, looking at the outer world with the peep of my weary eyes through the window, where the leaves fall ubiquitously as though I am the fallen one. Reminiscing the semester that I’ve encountered so far, whereby this semester would so far the sickest I’ve ever met. Problems regarding friends, curriculum, and interpersonal attitude attributed vast change in me. I’ve never been so stressed up in my entire life except for now. For a person who can go home but instead stayed right here in the middle of the forest for almost a month is a total catastrophe. The academic problems I had been with several disconnected friends whereby one of them was my so called partner in a certain assignment. I’ve no blames and regrets on him but on me for choosing him as my partner, it was Hobson’s choice for me to pick him because of me always the segregated one among the others no matter what. The friend of mine not only did not complete the task given but made the entire assignment late for submission. It was rather at the eleventh hour that his as usual dilly- dally caused me some marks in the assignment and I repeat (SOME MARKS) where it was rather a lot where I got only 5.5 out of 10 thanks to him. I could not have thanked him too much until I saw the marks and guess what, the assignment only have my part of work and not his. When I asked him where is his part, he replied with a cynical smile “He, he rilex la, we simply do so we get low marks lo”. What do he meant by WE SIMPLY DO? It’s him that did not complete the assignment I gave him. Tell me, how can I trust him anymore? A person that lied to you and did not do the things you gave him especially assignment. He did not do the assignment and WTF is wrong with him? IS HE SICK with his GOD? He did not attend the class is none of my business, but he not completing the assignment I gave him is totally my business. Next, I’ve forgotten the Alma matter between me and he and I decided to give him another chance to do the assignment with me in the same group. This time around, it’s even worse, my former schoolmate chatted with him about the assignment, he once again stated that he did the work but guess what, ladies and gentlemen, what he did with our assignment was just combining all the five articles me and my friend synthesized without editing a word. Is that called an assignment synthesizing? Because of my dear friend, we got only 10.5 out of 15. What a great job. Thanks to his cut, copy and paste job without using his brain we got that low. Next, what are friends? Can anyone define what is friend? I’ve no comment in this column because so far I could not find a true friend in this university. That is why my dear readers, would you be surprised why I did not mix around with anyone, not even Google talk I have. Even in the university you would noticed that I always mix around with that two statesmen but in fact it’s only because I’m in the same block with them. I do not think that I’ve the same frequency with them, it’s not back stabbing them here but I could not really express how I feel to them. Each time I tried to expressed my opinion, both of the Perakman would disagree with what I said. I just don’t know why they (ALWAYS DISAGREE WITH ME). Even there was once I remembered that I heard one of them mentioned something and both of them immediately disagree with me and said I like to add stuff or lie. Why no one would trust me? Is it because I’m the clown who always brings jokes and do not seem to be respected by others? I feel down right now. Lately, a girl that I’m very close with decided not to hang out with me anymore with the reason “hey wai boon, I’m not so close with you, why must I go out with you?” WTF, I’ve known her for 4 years and each time we hang out, I’m the one who volunteered to fetch her from her home and back to her home. Me and her can considered a close friend and now suddenly she was like “Erm, let us be closer only I hang out with you”. What do she meant? Why only now she doesn’t want to hang out with me? What about the last time where I used to hang out with her? I’m very worried about my other close friends where they would suddenly derecognise me. What happened to them? I’m seriously weeping my tears when I think about everything that comes to me so badly. Why should I be so unlucky? I’m frustrated...

friendship

2008-10-16T01:09:00.000-07:00

What can you gain from friendship? Money? Protection? Trust? or more oftenly knowned harm and untrust. Someone you have been hanging out with most of the time and knowned for almost 4 years, in dillema whether to hang out with you in the reason of not close enough. Why is it?

Something to be happy about.

2008-07-10T03:41:00.000-07:00

Well, in this long long long long holiday..perhaps should be my longest after the previous holiday, i had enough rest, enjoyment and i see real people among me. Of course, dota was one of my activities through out the entire holiday but i had fun with my friends going out for lunch, hang out, gossips, play around, visiting teachers and of course FOOTBALL. Haha i managed to score and set up goals you see...( being proud). In this holiday, each time and day i woke up and go to sleep, i try to reminiscing myself on the past, all those happy things and finally came to an end. I decided not to think about hte past anymore thanks to eu jin, pei yin, jesh and chih hann. THe gave me all the laughter, the joke..(although sometimes i be the joker) It has been ages since i laid my fingers on the button searching for the letter Y in my phonebook and chat. I've decided not to , for what? I'm also not in the position to chat. She might have her own world. I believe if i continue like this, people would not think i'm a pest and might start searching for....

what a day

2008-06-21T05:42:00.000-07:00

It is a day to be reckon with where i visited my former school carnival. Should be surprise and happy mood filled in me and yes i do feel it on the first place. Haha, seeing all the young students walking to and fro with their food and coupon . Their sweet tooth made all of their earnings and well, i was also one of them in the past but more fortunate as a prefect. Saw few of my friends, yujie(slim already..going for the leng lui category) wahahha, peiyin & eu jin (of course still same la..that loving), meiyie( never changed, that motherly look..haha), wei hann(yeng already wo..haha in love ler??), parthevan( sigh...why you grew so tall?), vivian(haha you look cute in those..wakaka), huiyee (kawan lama saya, you really did not change...haha same like hui yee la..), lu ying( hmmm more to professional side), fred and kok tung ( improved in dota...buey tahan your skills la..too geng liao..teach me.......) nik and chi shen....(more matured wo)...most importantly, liew pei yi ( wah you bladdy tall man..haha luckily i'm still taller than you..long time did not see you leng lui already wo). But unfortunately, someone i really did hope for her to come did not appear.....nevermind i really do treat her as friend.i wanted more but its not to my wish...she still in love with her.....

New

2008-06-19T08:32:00.000-07:00

Its a thing to start with i guess. First time indulging in blogging since encountered with so many problems. Now finally can have my own time sitting down in my cosy room typing and snipe out my stress into this small tiny little blogspot. Recently visited my former school, realized it was still the same one except for the people in there. Out of the hustle and bustle of the school, i see new faces in the prefectorial board, those young innocent in bound prefects reminds me of the past but soon to know whether they are the angel or the devil of the school. Few remain as a pain in the neck for the school and i do not want to mention who but everyone knows who are the two most hated figure. One is the one i don't understand WTF is with her finding fault and trouble with me, she just wants to create threats and i believe she is in nuts. (not to blame her for the past) but i believe humans can heal except for animals even me[ the weak minded one] also can put away my past and move on but why she cannot? She would not even want to glance at me nor talk to me as though i murdered her entire family. Is she a wasted sperm? I don't think so {lets hope so not}Another one that annoys me the most is the one where one of my best buddy targetted. She is a real pain where her face reminds me of adolf hitler conquering my friend and not allowing him to free himself. But since she is my friends beloved, i would still support my friend for it and hope he gets it. Lets shift topic , speaking of friendship...am i really that horrifying that some "friend" of mine decided to avoid me even when i hang out ,that fellow have to ask for an accompany. Am i that monsterous? I know it could be scary for a guy to express to you few times but you don't have to avoid him. He can be your friend too. You do not need to intentionally reply the next day when the guy sms you for the whole day nor intentionally reject him from coming to your prom night[ when there is still space] especially releasing a huge sign of relieve in front of me. What i wanted was only friendship, i know love is formidable for her right now but she do not need to do this to me. Even hangging out i was treated like as though i am a hollow man. This saturday is my schools carnival day and i'm not sure what am i suppose to do. I believe for now i would like to keep my mouth shut until everyone thought i'm dead.....thats all pens down....