Afterlife

I am in my final year of my university and the gamut of regret is still pinned in my shattered heart. I should be the one enjoying my once in a life time undergraduate life in the States and thanks to a guy's brilliant word that taylors college is no good for me, I ended up in the backwater of Perak with oblivious thoughts of homo sapiens surrounding me. Quoted by my senior a.k.a my beloved sister, that she haven't seen anyone as depressed as me studying in a university. Well I must have agree that the decision of applying the Shell Scholarship was solely my decision but upon knowing that Shell would send me to the outskirts of Perak, I decided to hold back my decision but my initial thoughts of helping my parents to save money backfired on me and I now ended here in this University which I regard as rubbish. Just few weeks ago, my former tutor visited me in my shop and asked me what would I do upon graduation, I answered swiftly without hesitation as though I was offered with a job, I told her that "Yes teacher, I would want to start working and I would not continue studying Masters nor PhD". A pin dropped silence could be heard and my tutor shouted at me " Why do you want to stop studying or upgrading yourself?, you should continue studying until you cannot study anymore". Who do not want to study Masters or PhD, it is just that I am worried that I would be disappointed with my parents and I would end up studying Masters or PhD in stupid local universities. So I decided once I graduated I would not let myself drip another tears suffering in stupid universities, I decided to work. My parents were shocked upon my decision, they were filled with regret and told me they would sponsor for my Masters and PhD overseas but it was too late, my youthful and precious undergraduate life is just ruined just like that, I was just too late. Once in a while, I would blame my own parents but after 5 years, I am used to it, and I decided even it was my parents fault, I could not put my fingers on their face as I was fated to waste my undergraduate life just like that. I am jealous seeing all of my friends including yaan enjoying their undergraduate life with their university friends, full of activities and fun. Even my very own buddy Rachel Liew somehow indirectly despise me for studying in local universities. We have 6 good buddies but she tend to only stick with those 3, Jesh,KP and Carol just because they are studying in overseas. Am I not good enough? This is unfair, my life is unfair. I worked hard ever since I was born and what I got was this piece of shit university, no one know how painful am I in my heart. But one thing for sure, Vivian told me that she is a burden to her family, I am proud that I am not a burden to my family, in fact I've earned enough money for them too. I am grateful with my life although not satisfied....what to do,this is life...