reminiscences

Well, sitting here in the room enduring the heat and the boredom of the forest, typing into this piece of companion right in front of me, I was thinking about studying in overseas next time in the near future. I've been asking myself why I was not chosen to study for overseas when some of my friends results are far worst than me? Plus the scholarship I've got was only a mere UTP in the mid of the forest. There I've been stucked for 2 years entering the 3rd right now. I've been thinking why the world is so unfair to me. If I'm not sent to overseas to study at least give me a place in the wonderful city of KL. Why everyone is enjoying their life and not me? Why is it always I'm the unlucky ones? In everything wise, I was the one who toiled to hard to it and look at the results of my hardship, its just a crap and sometimes makes me wonder whether should I be so hardworking on everything I do......... this is just a scribble of my thoughts right in this moment.

dear love

Listening to the song Dear Mom, reminds me of the love she poured to me almost everytime she sees me. Grabing her hands gives me warmth and movitvation. Joy and despair when I see her, tears will only flow for her, smile will only get widened for her. I'm not handsome nor intelligent nor rich, but I can try my best to make her happy. Giving her everything is what I can give and I believe this time around is my first and my last love. If I cannot maintain her with me, then I guess I'm a worthless person. Failed few times already hurt my heart and I cannot afford to lose her anymore not this time again. I dislike the feeling of being disowned. Seeing her weary smile and blurr eyes made my heart melt and made me feel as though I'm in 7th heaven. I penned down this post is to promise everyone who reads this blog that I will give my best shot to be with her forever. I know "forever" this word is sensitive but I can assure you whoever reading this that I will make sure the "forever" word will instill inside my very own dictionary.......... sarangheyo <3

Friendship

It was rather a hot night with the humidity running low, starring at the empty calender wondering whether when is it going to be filled up with activities. It is the first time that my time goes wild without anything to hold it down. It should be packed with activities and its simply undeniable that in the past i was seriously busy with test and assignments. Now my freedom is absolute and i am waiting for activities to come. Last time, it was always about CC, Bar, Clubbing and sports with them. Now i guess i have to go alone without their accompany.....

Rawn-Dee-Voo

Frustration over frustrations in the past made me immune and the problem of being singled out is already seeping out of my mind. Rejection and dumping seems to be terminating my soul where no one seems to give me a silver lining. Such sickening illness made me numb and finally i've made up my mind which is TO BE SINGLE RIGHT NOW. Perhaps what Jesh quoted was right, whats so wrong about being single? you can whore the whole day with girls and no one cares plus most of the girls also avoid or have negative thoughts on you. Why not just deteriorate it? its the same. Sometimes when you have the milk of human kindness and you tend to pour it out, it just seems to go down to the drain and people do not appreciate it. They tend to think that you have motive and try to avoid you. Just a simple example, when you give them a treat they would somehow give you some harsh treatment and would not understand your kindness to them. It is just so .... up

Ignorance

Flipping through the endless pages of Organic Chemistry in the middle of the starry and silent night, thinking of the coming final paper in my final examination, happiness filled in my soul. The urge of going back home builts and desire to enjoy seems to be flirting with my empty mind. Condolenses and condolenses came after me to cool me down about the previous encounter and i managed to heaved a mouthful of air and hummed my favourite song to keep myself accompanied. I was calm, cool and collected until I heard JJ's song in the radio (one thousand years later) that said that who would remember him after a thousand years later. Its nothing but the truth, when even a friend that did not meet you for half a year could almost forget your look and what about a thousand years. Staying in this almost dilapidated hostel overwhelmed with loneliness, purging my lifeless soul searching for a new life, I am trying to search for someone that could listen to my craps and feelings but failed. However, blogspot prevailed and showed me a way to penned down my feelings or thoughts. There was once where one of my friend ask me why I did not share my feelings with my fellow friends. Yes I did try but things turn out to be a disaster, they were thinking that I was just joking or it was rather a puny problem. For me it is a very important manner but for my friends it was just benign. A girl that I did not dare to bother much is the girl I really feel for it most. I was totally down when the moment she rejected me and decline hanging out with me as a friend. She did not mean to hurt me and I knew it, but I still can feel her phobia towards me. Its like she is avoiding me to hang out with me nor chatting with me. Sometimes she can just reply me on the next day or do not even reply when it comes to just minor stuffs. I had the feeling of "love" towards her in the past but bare in mind, it was only the past. Is it an offence for a guy to like that girl? Tell me, must she be afraid to hang out with the guy when she is alone and must she call her friends to come immediately when she is alone with the guy? Is the guy a monster or what? Is he that scary? Sometimes thinking back, I believe that guy did not take advantage of the particular girl before so why must she be so afraid? Even when taking photo with her, he did not even touch her. This is what i called respect, but the girl still afraid of the guy. Poor the guy. Right after a lengthy chat with the girl, he finally realised that he should not let the girl to apologize to him, in fact he should apologize for attributing such a mess and conflict. The problems between them solved, but can the gap be reduced? I'm not sure. I could not tell. What about being friends back again? Can it be done? Readers, you give me your answers. A girl that you loved so dearly and suddenly avoided you, you decided not to contact her anymore as a friend to avoid further conflicts and suddenly she apologized to you. I'm confused. The moment she apologized with those soothing words, the guy was touched by her words but is he in the dreams? He was speechless and confused of what to do.

frustrated

Sitting in this humid room, looking at the outer world with the peep of my weary eyes through the window, where the leaves fall ubiquitously as though I am the fallen one. Reminiscing the semester that I’ve encountered so far, whereby this semester would so far the sickest I’ve ever met. Problems regarding friends, curriculum, and interpersonal attitude attributed vast change in me. I’ve never been so stressed up in my entire life except for now. For a person who can go home but instead stayed right here in the middle of the forest for almost a month is a total catastrophe. The academic problems I had been with several disconnected friends whereby one of them was my so called partner in a certain assignment. I’ve no blames and regrets on him but on me for choosing him as my partner, it was Hobson’s choice for me to pick him because of me always the segregated one among the others no matter what. The friend of mine not only did not complete the task given but made the entire assignment late for submission. It was rather at the eleventh hour that his as usual dilly- dally caused me some marks in the assignment and I repeat (SOME MARKS) where it was rather a lot where I got only 5.5 out of 10 thanks to him. I could not have thanked him too much until I saw the marks and guess what, the assignment only have my part of work and not his. When I asked him where is his part, he replied with a cynical smile “He, he rilex la, we simply do so we get low marks lo”. What do he meant by WE SIMPLY DO? It’s him that did not complete the assignment I gave him. Tell me, how can I trust him anymore? A person that lied to you and did not do the things you gave him especially assignment. He did not do the assignment and WTF is wrong with him? IS HE SICK with his GOD? He did not attend the class is none of my business, but he not completing the assignment I gave him is totally my business. Next, I’ve forgotten the Alma matter between me and he and I decided to give him another chance to do the assignment with me in the same group. This time around, it’s even worse, my former schoolmate chatted with him about the assignment, he once again stated that he did the work but guess what, ladies and gentlemen, what he did with our assignment was just combining all the five articles me and my friend synthesized without editing a word. Is that called an assignment synthesizing? Because of my dear friend, we got only 10.5 out of 15. What a great job. Thanks to his cut, copy and paste job without using his brain we got that low. Next, what are friends? Can anyone define what is friend? I’ve no comment in this column because so far I could not find a true friend in this university. That is why my dear readers, would you be surprised why I did not mix around with anyone, not even Google talk I have. Even in the university you would noticed that I always mix around with that two statesmen but in fact it’s only because I’m in the same block with them. I do not think that I’ve the same frequency with them, it’s not back stabbing them here but I could not really express how I feel to them. Each time I tried to expressed my opinion, both of the Perakman would disagree with what I said. I just don’t know why they (ALWAYS DISAGREE WITH ME). Even there was once I remembered that I heard one of them mentioned something and both of them immediately disagree with me and said I like to add stuff or lie. Why no one would trust me? Is it because I’m the clown who always brings jokes and do not seem to be respected by others? I feel down right now. Lately, a girl that I’m very close with decided not to hang out with me anymore with the reason “hey wai boon, I’m not so close with you, why must I go out with you?” WTF, I’ve known her for 4 years and each time we hang out, I’m the one who volunteered to fetch her from her home and back to her home. Me and her can considered a close friend and now suddenly she was like “Erm, let us be closer only I hang out with you”. What do she meant? Why only now she doesn’t want to hang out with me? What about the last time where I used to hang out with her? I’m very worried about my other close friends where they would suddenly derecognise me. What happened to them? I’m seriously weeping my tears when I think about everything that comes to me so badly. Why should I be so unlucky? I’m frustrated...

friendship

What can you gain from friendship? Money? Protection? Trust? or more oftenly knowned harm and untrust. Someone you have been hanging out with most of the time and knowned for almost 4 years, in dillema whether to hang out with you in the reason of not close enough. Why is it?