2012

2012 is a special year for every homo sapiens and its also a special one for me as this is the year finally i can say i am graduating from UTP after ages (5 miserable years). Since 2007, I've been looking forward to 2012 as a year where i can cure my salvation. 2012 arrived in an unexpected style where I am facing FINAL EXAMS on the very first week of 2012 !@!#@#@$#ˆ!&ˆ*#*(@!. Nothing could describe better than that but fortunately this would be the last time having exams during december and january for me. Still FYDP II looming large like cumulonimbus on my next semester and I am wondering why my university is being so radical and retarded by arranging group members for us. As you know, those dudes loathe doing work and also indulge in their lackadaisical behavior which i don't understand how and why PETRONAS sponsored them for their education. Speaking of intelligent wise, they are smart but their attitude derails them from the distinctive students. Don't worry about me, I am still enduring and surviving from this catastrophe and I hope my final 2 semesters can go as smooth as a silk. I still remember back in 2007, before I was in Endorphins rush , heads in the clouds and minds off to fantasies thinking that a Shell Scholar is as bright as anyone else, I thought Chemical Engineering is the mirror of me ever since Mr. Lim (cekap chemistry teacher) waved his wands like a magician showing us the wonders of Chemistry. BUT unfortunately, when I stepped into UTP, i realized that I am not suitable to do this kind of job, the subjects are pretty interesting but the job itself is boring, well definitely the Chemical Engineer title is the bomb but the job itself is also a big bomb. Already in my final year, I realized I lost my soul in studying, I could not seek for my passion to score and I study for the sake of studying and not scoring anymore, is it the sign of Final Year Syndrome like one of my friends stated on his facebook? Or perhaps just another excuse for a lazy boy for me to get rid of books? Back home, 2012 is also a year where my brother and cousins get to enjoy their Undergraduate life, my parents decided that their decision to send me to UTP was wrong and since they do not wanna make the second bookable offense, they decided to splurge on my brother and well, fortunately my brother made my dream come to fruition which is to study in the States but bare in mind, the person is my brother and not me. I am not jealous nor envy but the gamut of emotion makes me disappointed of my parents for not being able to do the fair share to me as well. I was depressed, I am depress, I will depress and I really hope to finish my studies A.S.A.P so that I do not have to keep depressing day by day. It sucks when you have to sit down in the hostel room under the hot humid air typing this depressing blog and complain and complain and complain but I had Hobson's choice but to spill my feelings here in the blog because seems like only blogspot understands how I felt. No one really could not even my parents nor my friends. I'm in the midst of Final Exam and hoping to finish it a.s.a.p and in my mind, I really do wanna score the Vice Chancellor Bronze award and also First class honors, I'll work hard for it but in the mean time, let you guys read this piece of concise writing and have a deep thought about it before i pen down and go and have my peaceful nap before facing my next paper which is Plant Utility System.....

Reminiscents

The vast blue sky used to be dirty yellow, the cloud used to be as soft as cotton, food used to be nice and people used to be as close as family ties. Those were the days when I grasp a little glimpse of childhood time. As time goes by, the people I hang out with, the places I used to go, and food that I used to eat seems to be different. I am in dire hunger of all these memories. Holidays used to be meaningful for me when my brother and I were used to anxiously waiting in the second floor of my shop for my cousin to come over and play for the entire holiday. Kar Wai, Wei Siang, Hui Yin,my brother and I used to play all sorts of games such as Play Station, Pokemon Deck cards, Lazy, Legos, Bayblades, Tamiya and even had our very own "Olympics". It was rather short span as it lengthens over my 5 precious years of high school, that's what made me today as I grew from a very sweet and meaningful childhood where I learned what is fun and what is happiness. From Jaring to Unifi, my cousins slowly had their own lives and we don't meet up as often as we do anymore and currently just today, my cousin brother Kar Wai shifted to even a more further place that I could imagine. It is alright for me as humans have to grow up but I missed my childhood dearly and my childhood is what I am today.Next up is my university days where I screwed up my undergraduate life and did not enjoy a single moment of it no matter how good Zac and my roomie made my day. Its just not a place for me to live and I don't understand why GOD has given me such a place for 5 miserable years. I'm glad it has almost come to an abrupt end next year September but still from the time I finish typing this blog till next year September it is still a long long way to go. I really hoped time could move faster as I want to leave that place a.s.a.p, another point of my life which is amazing was my internship where I had maximum fun during that 8 months and it was my best moment of my undergraduate life. I really hoped it never end but everything has an end to it. Well New year and Christmas is just around the corner but I am here sitting down doing my FYDP and studying for my test and final exams, it sucks to be doing that when everyone is having holidays. Not sure why I am so unlucky to endure all these craps in my life. Lately I've lost the motivation to battle on my studies, is it the Final year syndrome where people gets lazier and lazier towards the graduation. My brother just finished his SPM and bound to go for college and I feel that things starts to be different whereby my brother would spend lesser time with me doing all sorts brother stuffs like watching live football together or studying together in the room or watch korean dramas together, well that is the process or life or part and parcel of life where people have to grow. Didn't I grow? Am I still stuck at my past? How far did I went through? My friends like Nik and Dylan also busy spending time with their direct selling and our weekly meet up getting lesser maybe because both of them do not have time or maybe its just me? Jesh and Kien Poon just disappeared to London and I feel that everyweek when I'm back to KL, I feel lonely where I am not sure what to do or who to hang out with.....

Life is boring again ....

Well as the title goes, life is always a torture but i never gave up in life because Sunny Lim (my english tutor) taught me a good phrase, there is always a silver lining in cloud. BUT, i still could not find the silver lining, my university life has been suckier and suckier whereby the STUPID EAC AND LAN AND BEM ( Engineering Accreditation Council, Lembaga Akreditasi Negara and Board of Engineers Malaysia) keep on messing with my undergraduate life. By adding a stupid semester to my study already made my life miserable, my good friend Zac Tay once told me to accept the truth and stop complaining, alright, I accept it, BUT this time they are planning to add subjects to my curricular WTF, I'm already busy with 4 thesis and final year projects and they wanna add subjects to my studies???? ARE THEY NUTS? What is the point of adding subjects to our studies whereby it does not make any difference in WORLD UNIVERSITY RANKINGS RIGHT? we will still forget about the subjects once we graduate so why bother adding? THEY HAVE nothing better to do is it? This EAC, LAN and BEM should find some part time to do since they always make students life miserable. As though by adding semesters and subjects to our degree would make UTP a better university than MIT, Stanford, UCB, UCLA, Cambridge, Oxford. We can't even beat UM or USM by adding semester and subject and i don't understand why they bother to do all the nonsense, they can instead emulate or enhance the university by getting us better lecturers, better system and management or maybe better transportation or at least upgrade the food facilities in my university instead of adding subject and semester. Haiz, the only thing i cherish the most about my university is they gave me a good time table, which i think is blessing in disguise, hopefully i can safely and peacefully graduate in one piece before i end up tearing apart of myself. SPEAKING of life is a torture, I just had my biggest argument in my life with the person i saluted and respected the most, my DAD, he disappointed me by scolding me and insulted my dignity. I used to quarrel with him but perhaps those days i had some fault as well, but right now, I did not always think highly of myself because I know I am not perfect after all but whatever my dad said about me really made me rethink about myself. Come on, all this while, I never disobey him nor being a notorious child. I always worked hard in my studies, my sport, my characteristics, my social life. I feel that i've done perfectly well in handling in my life where i did not disappoint my dad. In fact the most important part is that I never needed him to spend a single cent on my education as well, so why would I need to be insulted by him? I feel that I deserve some respect from him as a son because I've done perfectly well in every aspect of life. Least not I did not indulge myself in drugs or cigarette, well drinking is my hobby but I would say thats my social life style but I did not go beyond what people called LIMIT. I know my limits. So readers, do you think I deserve some respect from my DAD? He scolded insulted my dignity by asking my to stop school and said i'm a loser, just because i ranted about my university, come on, i'm a human of course i rant whenever i feel stressed up. I ranted about my university and i got scolding, whereby my cousins stopped schooling and rot at home, some even play truancy and stuck at home sucking parents money. Who is the better children? Me or my cousins? I just rant about my university, isn't that fair enough? Shouldn't he be grateful that his child is doing well in everything than his other cousins and his son only rant a bit just to be distressed. DID he really put his thinking cap in his mind? I doubt so. I really have nothing to say anymore. I am disappointed that he insulted my dignity......

Something to think about.

Well, going through all the hardships in 2010 surely made me a man. Seeing your beloved having crush on the other guy and ignore you surely breaks your heart into pieces but standing strong allows one man becomes more formidable. Life is a weird thing, it does not give you the maximum that you desire nor it does give you the minimum that you need. But one thing is for sure dudes and duddettes, people tend to look up on those who graduate from overseas. For instance, Lai Wee Kiat's mum (Pn. Chia) invited me and Ser Keong to his farewell party, guess what, the entire party, his mum never even bother about my presence and when i leave she also do not care at all, she never even talked to me but she only talked to Ser Keong about his universities stuff. She never asked me anything about myself, well believe it or not, this happened the same thing on Pui Yin's dad where by he would ponder upon Jesh and ask all sorts of questions about his LSE education in UK and when he sees me in the shop, he would say nothing besides hi and would ask me no more !! I knew Pui Yin's dad and Wee Kiat's mum more than a decade compared to Ser Keong and Jesh but they do not seem to talk to me and is it because I am a local graduate? There is even ones when my own buddy does not wanna go club with me giving the reason that Jesh and KP not around, wth? is that a reason? Me, Nik and dylan is not her friend? Those who graduate in overseas gets the superiority? then what about us? I had to admit that I am not lucky enough to be studying in overseas to get attention of the others, but these are all my thoughts, no rantings :P haha one more thing, malaysia should abolish the Duku Langsat rule where duku langsat gets special rights on the scholarship with their duku langsat results, its unfair to those who worked so hard and end up in the university which is not accredited, i have a friend Jia Ching, whom scored 11A1's in SPm and 3 As in A-level but did not get any offer and now staying at home doing nothing because the government is only helping the duku langsats and not those who scored well and cannot afford on educations, what a world zzzz. Plus I wonder why girls can have mood swings all the time, can they stop having mood swings and pleaseeeeee stop playing around.

Internship

Well almost 6 months of internship I realized I am used to the working environment and guess what, I am very happy during the internship as to compare with my study life. Many people including my old time buddy Hui yee, Jun Rong, Wei Jenn feels that I am weird because i prefer working over studying LOL, of course, who would understand a person who only gets to see buffalos, elephants, monkeys and wild boars caging in his university every day and night? Who would understand a person who do not have choice of foods and entertainment besides forcing himself to stuck in the room with books and sleep? They enjoy their study life compared to working life because they have everything in their university life including INTERNET LINE where my SOLID INTERNET LINE in my university is worst than a women's period, so how can you evaluate my uni life? Perhaps some of you all should take up graduate studies in my university, then, you all would enjoy your working life more =) haha trust me, I am in the urge of asking hui yee's bf to join my university to have a clear view of my study life =) lets hope he joins me in the forest =P I just don't understand what is so torturing about working life compared to study life? Right after working, you don't need to worry about how many assignments, tutorials, lab reports, projects you need to do or complete, and you do not need to be worried all the time about quizzes, tests, and final exams, plus the most important thing, you would not even feel guilty having fun in clubs, bars, cinemas, sleeping, yum chaing, watching drama series when you work but when you study, even if you go toilet or nap, you would feel the guilt, so why study? what is so fun about studying? I realized that I am a more cheerful person during the working period compared to intern period where I also get to go for exercises and football and I am a fitter person compared to when I am studying because I do not have the guilt of doing anything while working =). When I am studying, I tend to be more depressed, emo, and temper flaring person as to compare with when I am studying. Well studying or working, which is better? It is up to you all to decide =) For me, my university life sucks badly and I would not leave any sweet memories in my university life, but I will miss my intern life badly. As for my old time buddy Hui Yee, welcome to the working world yay =) hi 5 to you ya =)4 more months to my miserable university life with 3 semesters back to back without HOLIDAYS? omfg, haizzzzz, stuck in the forest for 1 year without holiday is sure miserable, wonder how depress I am gonna be this coming 1 year in the forest university.... haizzzz.... I am looking forward to graduate a.s.a.p but 1 year without holiday in the forest would be surely hell long year =(.... tara...

2011

2011, whats my new resolution? or I should say plan :). This coming July I am planning to travel to the States but depending on my approval of my visa which I think it should not be a problem and then August to Aussie again (most likely) with September would be my buddy trip to Seoul with Chih hann, Kien Poon and Jesh (confirmed) yay !!!. This travel trip is important to me as my marvelous university had spoilt my plans with extending my semesters or I should say adding extra one semester out of a sudden. *I personally thinks that by adding one more semester would not make us a better university than UM* . Yesterday, a group of Petronas Officers came over to my office and check out on our testing work. One is a caucasian (ang mo) and two more are Malays. One Malay his name is Salleh , a graduate from University of Minnesota, twin cities United States of America and the other one is Remy from my beloved university , Universiti Teknologi Petronas. Well readers, I am sure you wanna know why I highlighted the two universities here. Before this, my mum heard from an aunty that local universities and oversea universities owns the same standard and should not send me to overseas university because its the waste of money and I was like =.= with wtf all over my mind. Well , oversea universities have their own price and I am sure definitely better than the ones in local. No offence but I am also a local university student. Ok cut the crap, that two petronas officers, both are also the same race but one is educated in the States and one is in malaysia. At first, i would always believe that studying locally and overseas makes no difference but yesterday was the day that enlighten me. Salleh ( Minnesota University) seems to understand more in depth of the drilling productions than Remy (UTP) and mind you, Salleh is one year junior than Remy so this makes Remy another level lower. Salleh was the one who taught me all the equipments and the knowledge he gave was totally impeccable while Remy was there could not give any of his knowledge but to just acknowledge what Salleh had spoken to me. Does this simply means that overseas graduate imbibes more knowledge than the local ones? Yes i would say, it was proven and even Salleh speaks better english than Remy. Both are Petronas Scholars and i presume both are smart students but Salleh simply ousted Remy with all his knowledge gained from the States. The moment i met with this two guys, I felt even more emotional and regrets filled all over my mind. A difference is really a difference this is a quote i would like to share with you all.....

Afterlife

I am in my final year of my university and the gamut of regret is still pinned in my shattered heart. I should be the one enjoying my once in a life time undergraduate life in the States and thanks to a guy's brilliant word that taylors college is no good for me, I ended up in the backwater of Perak with oblivious thoughts of homo sapiens surrounding me. Quoted by my senior a.k.a my beloved sister, that she haven't seen anyone as depressed as me studying in a university. Well I must have agree that the decision of applying the Shell Scholarship was solely my decision but upon knowing that Shell would send me to the outskirts of Perak, I decided to hold back my decision but my initial thoughts of helping my parents to save money backfired on me and I now ended here in this University which I regard as rubbish. Just few weeks ago, my former tutor visited me in my shop and asked me what would I do upon graduation, I answered swiftly without hesitation as though I was offered with a job, I told her that "Yes teacher, I would want to start working and I would not continue studying Masters nor PhD". A pin dropped silence could be heard and my tutor shouted at me " Why do you want to stop studying or upgrading yourself?, you should continue studying until you cannot study anymore". Who do not want to study Masters or PhD, it is just that I am worried that I would be disappointed with my parents and I would end up studying Masters or PhD in stupid local universities. So I decided once I graduated I would not let myself drip another tears suffering in stupid universities, I decided to work. My parents were shocked upon my decision, they were filled with regret and told me they would sponsor for my Masters and PhD overseas but it was too late, my youthful and precious undergraduate life is just ruined just like that, I was just too late. Once in a while, I would blame my own parents but after 5 years, I am used to it, and I decided even it was my parents fault, I could not put my fingers on their face as I was fated to waste my undergraduate life just like that. I am jealous seeing all of my friends including yaan enjoying their undergraduate life with their university friends, full of activities and fun. Even my very own buddy Rachel Liew somehow indirectly despise me for studying in local universities. We have 6 good buddies but she tend to only stick with those 3, Jesh,KP and Carol just because they are studying in overseas. Am I not good enough? This is unfair, my life is unfair. I worked hard ever since I was born and what I got was this piece of shit university, no one know how painful am I in my heart. But one thing for sure, Vivian told me that she is a burden to her family, I am proud that I am not a burden to my family, in fact I've earned enough money for them too. I am grateful with my life although not satisfied....what to do,this is life...